Song: The S&M Man

(edited by Jeremy Dykes and Todd Shelton, to the tune of The Candy Man Can)

Leader - Who can take a drag queen...(all repeat)
Leader - Punch her in the face...(all repeat)
Leader - Throw her in the kitchen, tell her "That's your fuckin' place!"

CHORUS (All)
The S&M Man
The S&M Man
The S&M Man 'cuz he mixes it with love and makes the hurt feel good
The hurt feel good

Who can take a chainsaw
Cut a twink in two
Fuck the bottom half and throw the other half to you?

Who can take the same chainsaw
Cut the twink in 8's
Use the blood for lube and fuckin' masturbate?

Who can take a condom,
Put pepper in the ring,
Use it on your boyfriend, 'cause he twitches when it stings?

Who can take a glass rod,
Shove it up his dick,
Put it on the table, and smash it with a brick?

Who can take the pope,
Lean him over the pew,
Fuck him up the ass, until he swears that he's a jew?

Who can take a rabbi
Tie him to a post
Fuck him in the ass until he sees the holy ghost?

Who can take a cheese grater
Strap it to his arm
Shove it in and out and make an asshole parmesan?

Who can take a virgin
Fuck him, fuck him, fuck him
Fuck him, fuck him, fuck him, fuck him, fuck him, fuck him?

Who can take your boyfriend
Shove ice picks in his ears
Ride him like a harley while he fucks him up the rear?

Who can take your penis
Tie it in a knot
Tie it even tighter 'til the fucker starts to rot?

Who can take yoda
The jedi knight, of course
Stand across the room and fuck him with the force?

Who can take your grandpa
Out onto the lawn
Fuck him up the ass while your grandma cheers him on?

Who can take two bricks
One in each hand
Smack 'em on your balls like cymbals in a band?

Who can take an abortion clinic
Run around the back
Root around the dumpster 'till he finds a tasty snack?

Who can take the same abortion clinic
Fuck goin' around the back
Go right in the front door and grab one off the rack?

Who can take your boyfriend...
Fuck him in the face...
Make the bastard cry 'cuz ya mixed his lube with mace?

Who can take a crack whore
Knock his loose teeth out
Bend him over backwards and fuck him in the mouth?

Who can take an 8-man
Kick him in the nose
Make the fucker bleed 'till he paints a tampon rose?

Who can take your asshole
Lube it up with sand
Keep his pecker in his pants and fuck you with his hand?

Who can take a coke bottle
Shove it up his ass
Kidney punch the boy
Until he's shitting blood and glass?

Who can take a jock strap,
Shove it down your throat,
Remind you really well that you always be his goat?

Who can take a leather whip,
Smack you 'cross the chest...
Tells you that you'll like it if you know what is best?

Who can take a goat
Tie his tail in knots
Fuck him with the end and make him think that it's a cock?

Who can take a <INSERT TEAM NAME>,
Force him to his knees,
Fuck him in the face til he learns how to please?

Who can peel an apple,
Place it in a cloth,
Swing it at your nuts til he makes some applesauce?

Who can grab your ballsack
Twist it in his hand
Squeeze your nuts together, make you wish you weren't a man?

Who can take your ballsack
Stretch it out real big
Wrap it 'round his own head and wear it as a wig?

Who can take Bieber....
Knock him down the stairs
But won't f#$% his @$$ until he grows some pubic hair...